Saturday, May 9, 2009

Not Pretty

I like pretty things--pretty flowers, pretty little girls, pretty fabric, pretty chocolates. And I want my blog to be pretty--at least that's the idea.

But there is one ugly truth lurking around here. Trust me, it is not pretty. And it's time to pull it out of the corner, name it and then show it the door.

The truth is: HIV-AIDS scares me. I don't want my girls to hang out with another child who has aids. I don't want to know someone who has aids. I don't want them in my house, at my table. The U.S. government used to prohibit families from adopting children who tested positive to HIV-AIDS. And rightly so I would say. Ugly had a nice corner chair at my house.

I went on the AIDS walk, I raised money to support the cause, I spouted all the right phrases about being tolerant and loving. I listened to Bono. I joined One. I cried for the children of Africa. I prayed for the people suffering. But I wasn't going to have an HIV positive person in my house. Nope.

And then my friend Chantelle started talking about HIV-AIDS....about the desolation this disease causes...about the children who need to be adopted. Knowing Chantelle, I knew where this was going. Yep. Soon she announced she was adopting an HIV positive child. I wanted to say "Get a grip Chantelle. This is a bad idea. Stop before it is too late." But something changed.

I think my heart just got sick and tired of living with Ugly.

So I didn't tell Chantelle to get a grip. It wouldn't help anyway. She's that kind of person. :-D Instead, I read her blog. I read and read and read about AIDS. I started to rethink and relearn. AIDS doesn't spread through the air, it doesn't pass by touch. It's not a death sentence. It's a disease that most people, with the proper care, live with just fine for a very long life. Hmmmm....

It started reminding me of attachment disorder: the child who has done nothing to deserve the condition, who needs proper help, who can live a normal life....who people don't want at their dinner table. We have been told many times that T-Rex is not a party, a dinner, an event...because she has attachment disorder. Now that's monstrous. Not the attachment disorder......Not the AIDS. Hmmmmm....

Take a hike Ugly. You don't live here anymore.

Am I going to adopt a child who is HIV positive? I don't think so. You can never tell for sure but I think we are done adopting any more children. Am I going to cheer Chantelle on? And try to think of ways to help her and others who are adopting these wonderful kiddos? Absolutely. And should Chantelle and her new daughter come to town...the light's on, come on in.


Chantelle said...

You made me cry, Tracy. Thank you SO MUCH for your open hearted nature. You are a gem. (((hug))) T-Rex is welcome at OUR table any day of the week... as well as all your other little beauties...and maybe even you and Head Honcho. ;)

Recovering Noah said...

Tracy, your T-Rex is welcome at my dinner table any time of the day. Although you may not want that b/c my own two T-Rex's might teach her a thing or two... ;-)

Wonderful, beautiful, heartfelt post. As always. :-)

Lisa H. said...

LOVED this post! Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing how God has been at work in your heart! His grace is shining through you!


Amy said...

Thanks for your honesty Tracy and thanks for being willing to be so open about your heart change. I wish more people could be like you. :0) Amy

Rebecca said...

Thanks for the very honest post. We are adopting the best friend of Chantelle's daughter who is also HIV+. We have some friends & family struggling with these same feelings.

Amy Jo said...

Just popped over from Chantelle's blog. What a beautiful post! My youngest is healing from an attachment disorder, and I can totally relate to where you are coming from. :-) I wish more people in the world were as open to learning and allowing your mind (and heart) to be changed as you are! What a beautiful friend you are, I know God will use your heart to bless (and change) many! Sweetest blessings, Amy in OR